Nobody Will Belive Me

A bad fisherman never caught any fish. Everybody laughed at him. But one day he caught a big fish. He thought a little and then let the fish go back into the river.

“Why have you done this ?” his friend asked him.

“Because nobody will belive that I have caught the fish. They will say I have bought it.”

 

 

The Lost Umbrella

Two days ago, Mr Smith had come without his umbrella. “I can’t have left it at the office,” he said. “My secretary always remainds me when I leave something behind.” He tried to remember where else he had stopped on his way home. It seemed he had still had it in the Underground. “I may have left it at the garage when I collected my car.” He phoned, but they knew nothing about it.

His wife said: “You will have left it at the bookstall when you bought your evening paper.” “Yes, I must have left it there.” But when he enquired next morning, the man said he had not seen it. So he had called at the Lost Property Office and he recognised his umbrella among five hundred others.

Mr. Smith was beaming with delight when he arrived home. After a while, his wife said: “Tell me, dear, where is your briefcase ?” “My what ? Oh dear, where can I have lost my briefcase ?”

He might have left it in the Underground or at the Lost Property Office.

Drive Like Fury

A young man was in a great hurry. He jumped into a taxi. “Drive like fury !”, he cried to the driver.

They turned corners at a great speed and escaped collisions by a miracle. After about five minutes the young man asked the driver: “Where are you driving to ?”

“I don’t know”, replied the driver, “if you had told me, I should have known where I was driving you to; but you only told me ‘Drive like fury’ and that’s what I’m doing.”

 

What’s the Baby Doing ?

John Brown is in the living-room. His wife, Helen, is in the kitchen. She is calling him.

Helen: Is the baby with you, John ? He’s not in the kitchen.

John: He isn’t here, Helen. He is in his room.

Helen: Please go and see, John. He’s very quiet.

John: He’s not in his room, Helen.

Helen: Is he in our bedroom ?

John: No, he’s not. He’s in the bathroom.

Helen: What is he doing ?

John: He’s cleaning his shoes with your toothbrush !

 

Do You Know Who I Am ?

 

The man on the bridge asked the fisherman:

“How many fish have you caught ?”

“I have just caught the twenty-fifth fish,” was the answer.

“Do you know who I am ?” asked the man. “I am the king here. So you must give me all the twenty-five fish you have caught.”

“And do you know who I am ?” asked the fisherman.

“No, I don’t.”

“I am the biggest liar here.”

 

I Have Forgotten

 

In a train there was a well-known writer. When the inspector came for the tickets, the writer could not find his ticket.

“O.K.”, said the inspector. “I shall come in an hour.” But when he came, the writer could not find his ticket again.

“All right”, said the inspctor, “I know you, because I’ve read your books. They are the most interesting books I have read in my life. I am sure you have the ticket you are looking for.”

“But I must find the ticket,” answered the writer. “I have forgotten where I am going.”