One day Edison was visited by Henry Ford, who, finding some difficulty in opening the garden gate, did not hesitate to say he was surprised that a man with Edison’s ingenuity should allow his gate to take so much pushing.
Edison smiled. “I use the gate for pumping water into the cistern,” he explained. “Every time someone opens it he raises another gallon or two.”
It was a cold autumn day. A traveller arrived at a small country inn. He felt tired and cold and wanted to warm himself near the fire. He left his horse in the yeard and entered the inn. But when he entered the hall, ha saw that there was no vacant seat near the fire.
Suddenly he had a brilliant idea. He turned to the landlord and said:
“Take some whisky and give it to my horse.”
“To your horse ?” asked the landlord, “But your horse will never drink whisky.”
“Do as I tell you,” said the traveller.
All the people, hearing this, at once ran out into the yard to see the horse drink whisky. When there was nobody in the room, the traveller sat down comfortably near the fire and warmed himself.
A few minutes later the landlord returned and said:
“I was sure that your horse would not drink whisky.”
“Never mind,” said the traveller, “Give it to me, I shall drink it myself.”
A bad fisherman never caught any fish. Everybody laughed at him. But one day he caught a big fish. He thought a little and then let the fish go back into the river.
“Why have you done this ?” his friend asked him.
“Because nobody will belive that I have caught the fish. They will say I have bought it.”
Two days ago, Mr Smith had come without his umbrella. “I can’t have left it at the office,” he said. “My secretary always remainds me when I leave something behind.” He tried to remember where else he had stopped on his way home. It seemed he had still had it in the Underground. “I may have left it at the garage when I collected my car.” He phoned, but they knew nothing about it.
His wife said: “You will have left it at the bookstall when you bought your evening paper.” “Yes, I must have left it there.” But when he enquired next morning, the man said he had not seen it. So he had called at the Lost Property Office and he recognised his umbrella among five hundred others.
Mr. Smith was beaming with delight when he arrived home. After a while, his wife said: “Tell me, dear, where is your briefcase ?” “My what ? Oh dear, where can I have lost my briefcase ?”
He might have left it in the Underground or at the Lost Property Office.
A young man was in a great hurry. He jumped into a taxi. “Drive like fury !”, he cried to the driver.
They turned corners at a great speed and escaped collisions by a miracle. After about five minutes the young man asked the driver: “Where are you driving to ?”
“I don’t know”, replied the driver, “if you had told me, I should have known where I was driving you to; but you only told me ‘Drive like fury’ and that’s what I’m doing.”
John Brown is in the living-room. His wife, Helen, is in the kitchen. She is calling him.
Helen: Is the baby with you, John ? He’s not in the kitchen.
John: He isn’t here, Helen. He is in his room.
Helen: Please go and see, John. He’s very quiet.
John: He’s not in his room, Helen.
Helen: Is he in our bedroom ?
John: No, he’s not. He’s in the bathroom.
Helen: What is he doing ?
John: He’s cleaning his shoes with your toothbrush !
“Father, father, there is a black cat in the dining-room !”
“Don’t be afraid, my son ! Black cats are lucky.”
“This cat is; it is eating your dinner.”
The man on the bridge asked the fisherman:
“How many fish have you caught ?”
“I have just caught the twenty-fifth fish,” was the answer.
“Do you know who I am ?” asked the man. “I am the king here. So you must give me all the twenty-five fish you have caught.”
“And do you know who I am ?” asked the fisherman.
“No, I don’t.”
“I am the biggest liar here.”
In a train there was a well-known writer. When the inspector came for the tickets, the writer could not find his ticket.
“O.K.”, said the inspector. “I shall come in an hour.” But when he came, the writer could not find his ticket again.
“All right”, said the inspctor, “I know you, because I’ve read your books. They are the most interesting books I have read in my life. I am sure you have the ticket you are looking for.”
“But I must find the ticket,” answered the writer. “I have forgotten where I am going.”